onomatopoopa

It's not often that I don't know what to say to someone (sometimes it might be sarcastic, but I usually have a response).

UNTIL NOW.

There is a lady at my work and I have no words to describe her except that she reminds me of a not very nice relative I have and a not very nice coworker Bart has. All three seem to be from the Eastern Bloc. (Not being prejudice here--just descriptive.)

Is it just me or is she WAY out of line?

Example 1: One day I was microwaving my food in the lunchroom (my food had about a minute and a half to go) and she walked into the room, looked at the microwave, took my food out (while I was standing there), and put her food in the microwave and told me it would only be a little bit and that I could wait.

Example 2: Again I was in the lunchroom heating up my food and she was at a table talking to a coworker. She said to me, "You look cold."
me: No, I'm not cold.
her: Yes, you're cold.
me: nope
she gets up from her seat, comes over to me, and puts her hands around my upper arm then says, "Yep, you're cold"
me: "nope" and I exit with my food

Example 3: Last week we were having a celebration for another woman's college graduation and I walk into the room and she says, "oh I didn't know we were allowing minors in here." I ignored her.

This one that happened today though, it TAKES THE CAKE. (mmmm cake)
She walks by my office and says "hi minor."  [smirking]
me: silence
her: how old are you?
me: silence
her: you are very young.
me: silence
her: when i was young I wanted to be older. Do you want to be older?
me: no
her: do you want to be younger?
me: no
her: how is life for you?
me: excuse me?
her: do you have brothers?
me: no
her: oh, that's right, you are an only child
me: silence
her: how is that?
me: silence
her: you probably never had to share anything.
me: silence
her: you probably got everything. (long explanation about how she had to share with her sister)
me: silence
her: how is life?
me: [pause] fine
she leaves.

WHAT THE CRAP????????  Could someone please explain this to me before I slap her?